Process of grieving

Through the process of grieving we learn how to cope with the future in spite of our loss. How well we manage this affects our quality of life and our ability to relate to others.

William J Worden (Grief counselling and grief therapy, 1991, Routledge) believes that mourning, which he defines as the emotional process that occurs after a loss, is an essential and painful healing process that is achieved through a series of tasks:

• Facing reality
• Experiencing the pain of grief
• Adjusting to the new reality
• 'Emotionally relocating' the person who has died, and moving on with life

Initially the bereaved person is likely to be in a state of shock and numbness, even when a death has been anticipated. This can result in a strong reaction, whereby the bereaved person feels faint, cries uncontrollably, becomes hysterical or collapses. However, often the opposite is seen and the person may display no emotion, appearing very controlled, calm and detached. This initial shock may last several days and usually allows the bereaved to deal with all the necessary practicalities and cope with the funeral without losing control - a form of emotional protection.