It is very important for parents to have the opportunity to choose how they and their child are cared for. In order to make these choices they will need all the information on the options open to them, time to understand this information and time to make their decisions.
Parents will need some privacy during this time. It is crucial that they have an environment that is private and adapted to their needs. A privacy sign, explaining to parents and staff that no one will intrude, can be hung on the door.
These are some of the choices and decisions that parents need to know about. They will need your support and as much time as possible to see how they feel about each one of these choices:
- Holding their dead baby or child
- Washing or helping to bath their baby or child.
- Choosing clothes and dressing their baby or child
- Being involved in all aspects of their baby or child's care
- Taking photographs of their baby, both dressed and naked
- How long they can have their baby or child with them after the death
- Who they should contact if they would like to return to hospital to see their dead baby or child before the funeral
- How they may include any other children they have (Parents often want to protect their children from these painful experiences and will need help to explain to children that their brother or sister has died, and that they may want to say goodbye)
- How they involve grandparents, other relatives and close friends
- What sort of funeral to have. A funeral is often the only thing that parents can do for their child and it will be a very special memory
- Visiting their child at the funeral director's
- Whether to take the child home before the funeral
"It was like Sophie's 18th birthday and wedding all rolled into one. She was born at 23 weeks. It was all I could do for her - a proper funeral. As her dad this has been very important to me."