A child’s capacity to sustain sad emotions increases with age and maturity. Apparent lack of sadness may lead a parent to believe a child is unaffected by the loss.

Normal signs of grief in children, particularly young children, include bed wetting, loss of appetite, tummy upsets, restlessness, disturbed sleep, nightmares, crying, attention seeking behaviour, difficulty concentrating, increased anxiety and clinginess. These only become a cause for concern when they occur over a prolonged period of time.

Older children often display changes in personality and alterations in their normal behaviour including signs of depression, sleep and appetite disturbances, angelic behaviour, rudeness, learning problems, lack of concentration and refusal to go to school. School work may be affected by underachieving or overworking. Boys, particularly teenagers, are likely to experience difficulties at school in the early months following parental death, but bereaved children do not necessarily develop long term learning problems.

In adolescents, a bereavement can cause regression to a younger, more dependent stage in their development. Emotions may be suppressed, resulting in a display of apparent indifference or lack of feelings. In a search for love and affection, they may develop premature new sexual relationships.
Some young people start truanting, turn to petty delinquency or begin shop-lifting as a general protest against the upheaval in their family life. This is more likely in adolescents who have lost their mother, particularly girls. Others become silent, withdrawn and self critical. Many young people will grieve privately and shed their tears in the solitude of their own rooms, maintaining a brave face in society.

In an attempt to numb the pain, some youngsters develop self destructive behaviour such as excessive drinking or drug taking. Reaction to the fear of death may cause some young people to take unnecessary chances with their lives. By confronting death they try to overcome their fears and demonstrate their control over their own mortality.

Some young people will assume the role of a parent, taking on heavy responsibilities and causing them to mature rapidly and deny themselves the opportunity or permission to grieve. Others will take this experience in their stride.