You need to know that it is OK to:

• Cry and feel low and depressed. You've lost a great deal

• Feel angry, embarrassed and not want to talk about your feelings

• Copy some of the activities and interests of the person who died, but it’s important that you are able to be you too

• 'Live in the past' for a while. It may help you to keep remembering your parent, your brother or sister, but it can help to think about new things as well

• Have fun and enjoy life, to laugh again and forget for a while

• Forgive yourself for the fights and arguments and nasty things you might have said to your parent, brother or sister who died

• Go on with life

 

But it is NOT OK to:

• Use drugs or excessive alcohol to dull your senses. This can only act as an escape and hide the pain. It doesn’t help to heal it and it will just take longer to accept the hurt

• Act out your frustration with reckless driving or skipping school

• Do things with your anger that can hurt other people, because you are hurting so much yourself

• Experiment casually with sex, just to get close to someone

• Hide your feelings and not talk about what is bothering you to protect your parent(s)

• Act as the scapegoat or ‘bad guy’ to appear tough

 

If you find yourself experiencing some of the following then it is important that you seek extra help:

• Bad relationships with family and friends that go on and on getting worse and worse

• Taking lots of risks with drugs and alcohol, fighting and using sex to get away from the pain of grief

• Lack of interest in school and poor school work

• Waking up with a black cloud and feeling empty all the time may be depression. People muddle depression with grief – depression is about being empty of feelings. Grief is about being full of feelings.

• Sleeping difficulties and low self esteem

• Dropping the activities that once meant so much to you