Teresa Evans

Having been awoken by police in the early hours on December 17th 2006, to be told that my youngest son Boyd, aged 20, had died as a result of injuries sustained in a car accident in which he were a passenger, a very strange aura seemed to surround the entirety of my heart, mind and body, a feeling of protection. Some suggest that it is nature's way to numb the shock. I know for me it was, and still does feel as though an Angel has encompassed my whole being with his wings to protect me, then and now, giving me strength that I never imagined possible.

Above anything, I grieve the loss of expectation of life for my son. For myself, I grieve the loss of my baby boy who has been taken from me in this physical world.

I feel and sense his strength and love beside me, a strength I later learned I would need to draw upon to get through not only this nightmare, but an added, unnecessary situation further presented to me.

When asked to identify my son, all I remember of the 110 mile journey was that I would get there to find that a mistake had been made. Eight of us travelled in two separate cars and I don't remember speaking a word. Having arrived and been greeted by a mortician in much-stained attire, I recall thinking that this truly cannot be real. I entered a room to see my little boy lying down, looking slightly yellow, with a bruise to the right side of his face and his right eye open a little. I remember thinking he looks like a vulnerable, lame, injured sparrow that has lost his way. I hoped that he would see his mum and get up and come home with us all. All I wanted was to pick Boyd up in my arms and carry him out of there.

Having left the room empty handed, the mortician's mobile phone rang and with a jovial tone, he excused himself and re-entered the room where Boyd lay to take his call. All of us just looked at each other in amazement, sensing the disrespect shown to us all, including Boyd. Much to my regret, it was stated that Boyd would need to undergo a post-mortem. I have since learned of a pilot scheme in operation, that in certain circumstances, it is possible to scan the body, coupled with other measures to ascertain cause of death.

The post-mortem was to be carried out on the morning of the 19th and I arranged with a funeral undertaker (currently known as director), who had conducted funerals for my family in the past, to collect Boyd in the afternoon. He didn't! He delayed in collecting Boyd until December 21st. I was frantic and mindful of Christmas approaching which was already presenting a problem to fix a date for the funeral. There was an apparent added problem of co-ordinating the logistics, to fix the date and time of burial, with the availability of a priest to conduct the service.

On December 22nd I was able to be with Boyd again, and a date for the funeral was fixed for December 28th. I had wanted Boyd brought home to rest in his bed until the funeral, but the undertaker discouraged me from doing so, referring to ‘environmental conditions' which I later learned was rubbish. Each day I would visit Boyd at the chapel of rest, pretending to myself that it was like visiting Boyd as if he were in hospital. Christmas came and went and the day of the funeral was upon us.

I could not believe the amount of people that had come to pay their final respects to Boyd. There must have been over three hundred! What an accolade to him! I had never in my darkest nightmares ever dreamed that I would be burying my child, but I had arranged a funeral in hope that I had done my best in ‘holding it together' so that everything would have been ‘just so' for Boyd.

In January 08, I received a visit from the police liaison officer appointed to the case, to return the belongings from the crash. I had thought that I would have received the clothing that Boyd had been wearing as I had wanted every last thing that was close to Boyd in his last moments. This was not the case. I approached the hospital and they assured me that these items would never have been disposed of. Come February, I was told by staff at the hospital that Boyd had arrived at A&E in only a shirt and one shoe. I knew instinctively that this story had been concocted, aiming to lessen the severity of the consequence, and I demanded a full enquiry and also to complain about the mortician. As a result of my complaint, I was informed that the mortuary staff had been given new attire and reprimanded in the use of mobile phones.

In March, it was ascertained that the undertaker appointed had signed and taken receipt of Boyd's property. When I approached the undertaker, he claimed to have made an "unenviable decision" and "buried heavily blood stained clothes, beneath Boyd's body in his coffin". Having written the undertaker a letter to request an apology and compensation to aid my consideration to exhume Boyd's coffin and remove the offending items, I was ignored. I later bought a case to court to sue for Damages for Breach of Contract under The Sale of Goods and Service Act 1982.

I accepted an out of court settlement that was proposed to me.

The reason I have written this article is because I wish to draw attention to the fact that whilst I agree that there is a place in our society for the funeral undertaker, there are also choices available that the public are unaware of, just as I was. My undertaker, although long-standing in the community, was unbeknown to me, not a member of any known trade association, and neither is it a requirement of law to be so, just as there are no statutory regulations governing trade associations who follow a voluntary code of practice and practice principles.

I continue to explore the subject of death and dying and I have begun a campaign to call for the tightening of regulations within the funeral industry, and to further campaign for all public and consumer bodies to advise the public of their legal rights, both in relation to what one may legally do after death, and/if a funeral undertaker fail the client in his/her service. I hope to also gain support from organisations that offer advice to the bereaved as I believe that it is vital that the bereaved are aware of their rights to have choices and hope limit any potential regret.

Whilst there is much information in existing systems, there is great inconsistency in how - if at all - it is conveyed? It is my intention that consumer advice centres such as Citizens Advice, WHICH etc. make it very clear to the public that when they are purchasing a funeral service, they are in fact making a purchase under the same statutory protection of The Sale of Goods and Service Act 1982, as there would be in purchasing the service of a hairdresser or dry cleaner etc.

In support of this campaign, I have created a website http://www.evansaboveonline.co.uk/  which outlines my own experience and hopefully raises awareness of what may legally be done after death - no matter what race or religion - when collecting the deceased and making funeral arrangements, independent of a funeral undertaker.

This information is also made apparent in the Charter for the Bereaved. http://www.iccm-uk.com/?pagenumber=23. Whilst the Charter's information proves to be a valuable tool, it could prove more valuable to the bereaved who have experienced a sudden death if it is adopted by all registrars in England and Wales. I believe that if the registrars informed the bereaved of the choices available, this could help limit hindsight regret around the funeral. Had I known that I would have been in my perfect legal right to have collected my son from the mortuary in my own vehicle, and bought him home to lie in his bed until his burial - which I could have arranged and conducted myself - I would have done so.

The first email that I received, having launched my website, was from a funeral undertaker. His website made mention to the fact ‘that one may act independent of a funeral director', and he incorporates a policy of encouraging involving the children of families in the hope of assisting in dispelling the myths around death. Hearing this news was very uplifting, as sadly these undertakers are in the minority, but I continue to strive for positivity amongst the pain I still sense of my loss.

Hopefully in time and with such work as that of the Child Bereavement Charity in striving for change and growth in awareness, people will realise that they do have a choice as did Virginia Prifti with the sad loss of Lawrence at age 8 years. http://www.act.org.uk/dmdocuments/Lawrences_story_2007.pdf

Teresa Evans