Ideally parents are the best people to talk about sad news with their children, but if they are unable to do this then a close relative known to the child or a caring adult would be most helpful, although sometimes this difficult task falls to the health professional caring for the person who is dying or has died. It needs to be sensitively explained as soon as possible so that the children don't find out inadvertently from someone else or are left for hours anxiously wondering what has happened or trying to make sense of overheard conversations. It is important to try and find out what the children already know or have been told. Ideally a place that is free from disturbance needs to be found with sufficient time set aside to explain what has happened, to answer questions and to offer comfort and reassurance.
When talking to young children it is important to remember that touch is a valuable way of communicating and to recognise the comfort that physical closeness can bring. Try to find the right moment with children when they feel open and able to listen or to concentrate on what you are saying, pick up on their cues or wait until they ask a leading question. What is said will depend on the age of the child but, particularly with younger children, what has happened needs to be made very clear so there is no chance for misunderstanding. Euphemisms such as "gone to sleep" or "Daddy has passed away" are not helpful.
The rate at which information is given should be varied according to the children's level of understanding and open-ended questions can be used to encourage them to respond and ask their own questions. Picking up on particular things the child says and asking them more about what that means to them, helps to ensure the child has understood what had been said. The information given must be truthful and consistent. Children do not need long detailed information, but easy to understand explanations. They need to be able to trust the adults around them.
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