Guidelines for Supporting a Pupil

  • Check out the facts and familiarise yourself with the circumstances surrounding the death. Communicate with the family and make sure that what you say will not conflict with the family’s wishes. 
  • Acknowledge what has happened and do not be afraid to use the word dead: “I was very sorry to hear of the death of your... ”   If you find words difficult you can say a lot with just a touch.
  • Children and young people need honesty.  Although sometimes difficult, it is better to answer awkward questions truthfully.
  • Be prepared to listen, again and again and again.
  • Allow them to express emotion and feelings and do not be afraid to share your own feelings of sadness.
  • Do talk about the dead person and share any memories. The bereaved child may well need to do this. Ignoring the dead person is a denial that they ever existed.
  • Recognise the full tragedy. Do not try to comfort with comments such as “at least it is not as bad as...” You might think this is helpful, it is not.
  • Reassure them that they are not responsible. It is very common for children and young people to feel that in some way they caused the death.
  • Give bereaved pupils time. It may be many months before they can fully cope with the pressures of school work. Remember that they will be grieving for life and the loss will always be with them.
  • Don’t assume that a lack of reaction means that they do not care. Initially, the full reality may not have sunk in. Young people can feel that they have to be seen to be coping as a sign of maturity.
  • Try not to judge. Grief is a very personal experience, every child and young person will do it their way.
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