No one person is necessarily better than another at helping the bereaved; we all have something to offer and are learning constantly. Offering someone a sympathetic ear, listening to what they have to say and having time for them can be immensely helpful. We can convey our concern by emotionally interacting with the grieving person, by being congruent and by giving of ourselves. Through the process of expressing feelings about the person who has died, emotions are validated and support can be gained.

Listening to others means using all of our senses to pick up on what the person is communicating, both orally and subliminally. Listening involves much more than just what we are hearing.

• We need to listen with our ears, listening to the words, the tone of voice and the feelings being conveyed
• We need to listen with our eyes, observing body language and facial expressions. Maintaining regular eye contact lets the other person know we are concentrating on what they are saying
• We need to give our undivided attention to the other person and notice not only what is being said, but also what is NOT being talked about. By setting time boundaries we create a safe environment and enable the other person to know how long they can expect us to spend listening to them so that the interaction doesn't end abruptly
• We need to listen with our heart, communicating our interest and empathy by our tone of voice and body language
• We need to use all of ourselves to connect with the other person, to ensure there is two way communication

Learning how to listen effectively is a skill. Active listening requires that the carer is truly self aware and has explored and managed their own feelings. When we have given time to listen to ourselves and our innermost feelings, then we are more available to focus on another without our own feelings intruding and breaking our concentration.