Once the numbed feeling gradually subsides and the reality of what has happened is experienced, the bereaved person may have intensely painful feelings, which may last weeks or months. Their grief may overwhelm them so that they are incapable of thinking about anything or anybody else but themselves and how they feel. It gets in the way of everything they think and do. They may over-react to other people's comments and appear irritable. Susan Hill, a writer and a bereaved mother, eloquently described her extreme sensitivity as "having one skin less".

As well as feelings of extreme sadness, the bereaved person often experiences guilt, anger and resentment. Many people struggle with guilt about some aspect of their relationship with the person who has died; perhaps they had left unsaid their true feelings, or said things they didn't really mean. Maybe they had not spent enough time with them or really listened.

Feelings of anger can be extremely powerful. The bereaved person may feel anger towards the person who has died; anger for the loss of control that death brings; anger at the medical team for not curing the illness or not keeping the person alive; and anger at their God for letting it happen. They may feel resentment towards a family member who they feel contributed in some way to the death.

Grief is not a mental illness, although sleeplessness, anxiety, fear, anger and a preoccupation with self can all add up to a feeling of 'going mad'. These feelings are natural and, when experienced and expressed, will become less frequent and begin to subside over time. Talking about them and bringing them into the open is helpful. Expressing grief is cathartic, and attempts to short circuit these feelings rarely help in the long term and may cause deep-seated problems in the years ahead. If grief is denied, or anger and guilt persist to the exclusion of other feelings, help from a trained counsellor may be beneficial.